A week of endings and beginnings… December 31, 2010

It’s taken me years to figure out when to end things, when to hold on, how to count the chances people are given.

It was pretty painful to cut someone off who really provided more sorrow than joy in my life.  I’m the person who doesn’t like to judge, who isn’t really high-maintenance and gives people chances to redeem themselves, to prove that they should be  a part of my life.  It hurt pretty badly to take that step, but I had to.  For my own good.  There’s nothing like feeling worthless, especially since it’s taken me many years to find self-worth.  Once the tie was cut, though, I felt good about what I had done and felt good about myself.  I have value.  I am a valuable person.

Maybe it’s a “cleaning out the closet” thing, being the end of the year.  I really like someone, a lot, and decided that I wasn’t sure of the direction it was going, if it was going anywhere, and that I would have to make a decision.  Luckily, I didn’t have to cut any ties and finally it seems there’s been a barrier broken down and things just became more…honest.  Open.  I’m really happy for it and hope that it’s something that lasts for a long time, because it just feels right and it also feels positive.  Again, I gave this person a chance a few months ago and I’m glad I did.  When someone can make me laugh and listen to thoughts, it’s worth my time.  I don’t feel the lack of self-worth and that I am actually a person that’s deserving of the attention.

I’m also sad for another ending, though.  My favorite book of all time, “The Secret History,” will be finished tonight.  It’s a book I’ve read a few times, but each time it gets me even more.  I’m about to take a long, hot bath and end it again.  I always feel like something’s lost when I finish a great book like this.  And though I have a stack of books next to my bed, nothing will ever compare to this one.  I don’t want to hold off on finishing it, just so that I *don’t* finish it, but my heart will be broken until I can find something else to read.

 

Ya gotta love that spam email! December 23, 2010

So, as I am getting ready for my gig tonight, I got this email:

“Estela Rumble to me

show details 6:35 PM (47 minutes ago)

Currently there are 2 positions availiable. Please respond along with your resume if you’re still interested.”

 

I replied with this:

“I have no idea what you’re talking about or who you are.”

Not five minutes later, here is the response that I got:

Bruce to me

show details 7:18 PM (5 minutes ago)

Hey, thanks for responding to us.

In case the posting was not clear, the responsibilities of this position are as follows: you’ll be answering the phone and taking messages whenever applicable, you’ll be scheduling the company meetings, and running errands for the company for things such as purchasing supplies and making bank deposits (you’ll be provided with a business car). While you are running errands, you will also be given 1 of our business credit card(s) for all company purchases.

You seem definitely qualified for our job opening, and more so than the other four applicants we received applications from. I would like to take the next step with you. However, before I’m able to schedule a formal meeting, my business will require that you acquire a current (past 14-21 company days) credit report. We started this simply because our business had some bad incidents with prior employees taking advantage of having access to a business credit card.

Both myself and the business will prefer it that you use this Credit Report to acquire your check as their scores usually report back the most factual and accurate information.

Once you submit all of the required information, they’ll show your personal report. Then, you require to email me the reported credit score, a phone number that you can be effortlessly reached, and your availability schedule to arrange an interview.

I ask you to not email me the whole report, as it’ll have private content. If you possess a lower than expected credit score, it’ll never stop you from a position with us. I had a fairly low score whenever I was hired.

If you do not wish to complete a current credit check, unfortunately the company will require that I contact the second choice.

Personally, I’m hoping to fill this position with a new friendly face and am looking forward to your fast response.

Have a great day,

Kind Regards,
Bruce Zalio
Senior Managerment”

Who the fuck are these people???  I have no applied for a job, especially with a freaking yahoo address.  What kills me is the fact that they are asking for a credit report.  FOR A JOB.  I’ll take a piss test and don’t mind a background check, but a CREDIT REPORT???  What kind of idiots fall for this shit?

Running errands?  Do I look like an errand girl, based on my resume???

And I love this part:  “I had a fairly low score whenever I was hired.”

Um…you don’t know when you were hired?

I’m guessing it’s a fucking Nigerian.

I used to hate coffee…no, really, I did. December 6, 2010

Ever since I was a kid, I hated everything about coffee.  The way it smelled, the stains it left on the sides of the mugs and I would never in a million years take a taste of it.

My friends are coffee FREAKS and could never understand why I couldn’t drink it.  I realized the other day why I hated it so much my whole life:  church.  My parents used to drag us downstairs after church to hang with the rest of the “Christian cranks” and we’d have to stay until they were done gabbing.  I saw someone pour clotted, rancid creamer into their coffee once and I think that’s what the final straw was.  I saw the white lumps and almost puked right then and there.  Never mind the fact that I hated church to begin with, now I got to see people downing coffee, breathing their coffee breath all over the place, and talking about the lord.  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.

When I did my study abroad in Costa Rica, people went apeshit over the coffee there.  I sooooooooo wanted to be part of the cool, coffee-drinkers club.  Blech.  It made me gag to think about it.

I’d always been able to drink what I call “bitch drinks,” meaning the fluffy-fru-fru coffee drinks at Starbucks.  I was starting to be able to tolerate a light flavoring of coffee, as long as it was muted with sugar and whipped cream.

I started going to the cafe at my new job a couple months ago, just to get the jolt of caffeine to get me through our intense training.  I started getting hooked…

Well, a few weeks ago, some friends gave me an aero-press.  I was going to give it a shot and be a coffee drinker.  Damn it, I was going to grow up.

So, I started with some ground Seattle’s Best (I really wanted to get to Copper Star and buy theirs, but I never got there.  Next time!) and went to town.  I.  Am.  In.  Love.

I call it “caffeine clarity” as I down two cups before work.  I like that I can make 1 – 4 cups at a time.  I love the sound of the steam as I press it through.  It tastes WAY better than any coffee make could do.  I wash my mug right away so it doesn’t get stained.  No drip marks on the outside.  Oh, and I refuse to use any creamer.  I add a dash of sugar, just a little bit, to cut the bitter edge.

I’m hooked.  I drank 4 cups Saturday and that didn’t go over well, as I became a bit stabby and wanted to murder my neighbor, but at least I was finally drinking it.

I feel like I am becoming one of the cool kids.  Now, if I could just tell the difference between the good stuff and the ghetto stuff.