It was Mother’s Day, 7 years ago, that I decided enough was enough. The guy I was with, the love of my life, just wasn’t ready to quit along with me, so he was asked to move out. My father was an alcoholic and I have several others in my family with some sort of drug or alcohol addiction. I am lucky for this, because I knew what to do. I called a colleague of mine, who I knew was in recovery, to take me to an AA meeting.
I went religiously for 2 years, then sporadically for a couple more years. I started feeling like it was a cult. I appreciated with it had done for me, which is got me clean & sober, but it just wasn’t for me anymore.
The past 7 years have been incredibly painful and I’ve endured a lot. I’ve been through tougher times than while I was drinking, and I am glad I got through everything sober.
There is no god in my life that told me what to do or that gave me the strength to do it. I am not religious and do not believe in a “higher power,” which is why I started to feel so uncomfortable at AA meetings.
I got through it all because of me. Because of my inner strength and beliefs.
Because I didn’t want to be a drunk loser anymore. I spent a night in the “horseshoe” as is used to be called. I was a teacher and went to school hungover. I’d pop a movie in for the students to watch, just so I didn’t have to teach.
My last real bender was a weekend of smoking heroin, snorting coke, smoking pot and drinking. I didn’t sleep all weekend. I went to work Monday, still with no sleep since the Thursday night previous. How insane is that? How unfair to those around me?
I don’t feel guilty, because I am human. I do, however, feel grateful for the help and support I got from everyone. It’s funny that most people don’t know that I am a recovered alcoholic. That I am RECOVERED. That I am not ANONYMOUS about it. I don’t want to go on a rant about AA, because I have family members who have gone for over 30 years and it works for them. Whatever works, do it. Swallow your pride and just do it.
It beats being a drunk.
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