Fabamy's Blog

Crazy life of a CenPho comedian & socialite

I survived a school bombing…in 1988 May 31, 2018

Filed under: My crazy life,Uncategorized — fabamy @ 7:35 pm
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My whole adult life, I have had problems in places with loud noises, lots of smells, etc., and I could never figure out why. Then I remembered and incident when I was in high school.

It was on my 17th birthday, in 1988, when a pipe bomb went off in a kid’s locker right across the hall from mine. A student a year older than my class had been bullied for years by the jocks.

My high school was small, in a small town, in rural Upstate NY, about 15 miles east of Buffalo. I went there from kindergarten until I graduated, and many of us knew each other that entire time. The middle and high schools were actually 3 different small towns, which had their own elementary schools.

Our school was all cliques. (I didn’t belong to any of them.) It was a good school, with an occasional fight, but that’s pretty much it. The school had a giant corn field across the street where kids would go to smoke, but that was the extent of naughty.

The jocks were exceptionally brutal, male and female. I was bullied for several years by the older girls there. I even got punched in the face once, but nobody really did anything about the bullying.

It pushed one kid over the edge. His friend got access to the master keys for our lockers. He crafted a mercury-switch pipe bomb, and put it in the sneaker of the bully.

It was just after homeroom when the bomb went off. (I am getting chills and close to tears writing this, because I never have before.) My clothing and books had blood on them. There was mass confusion, but one teacher got the victim to the nurse’s office, and we all went to first period.

We were on lockdown. At the time, we had a foreign exchange student, Natalia, from Spain. Our school had phones in every classroom, and I called hers to make sure she was ok. The school’s phone lines were all overloaded, as this was 1988.

Word got out, and the news showed up. We were locked in our classrooms for several periods, and were finally released early so the investigation could continue. At this point, nobody knew WTF had happened.

I finally realized last weekend that I have PTSD from this. THIS was that loud noise that has made a lot of events very grueling for me. Just a couple weeks ago, I had to leave one of my favorite networking events because the room got so loud, I started to panic. I can feel it, even now.

I did a quick Google search of the incident, and found a tiny newspaper clipping. This was the day after, so nobody knew quite yet what had happened.pipebomb3.jpg

 

My time with Joan Rivers September 4, 2014

Filed under: My crazy life — fabamy @ 1:47 pm
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Back in 2004, I was listening to Kevin Gassman when he was on All Comedy Radio here in Phoenix. He had tickets to the Joan Rivers show at the Celebrity to give away. I won those tickets and took Kass McPherson with me to see her. Two female comics to see THE female comic of the WORLD!
I had a little note card that I took with me, and wrote a little note inside. “Hi Joan! I’m a comedian here in Phoenix and would love the opportunity to meet you after the show.” I included my business card, and gave it to a security guard. I told him what was inside, and never really expected him to come back to us.
He came back! About ten minutes later, he informed me “Joan will see you after the show.” I looked at Kass, and then he said “You have to go back alone.” There was a split second of guilt, and Kass nudged me. “Go! Go!”
After her show, which was one of the most amazing performances I have ever seen in my life, I went back to the green room. I knocked on the door, and her assistant answered. “Amy?” I wasn’t even nervous, and just said “Yup, that’s me!”
A tiny blonde woman walked towards me, held out her hands, and gave me a hug. I was wearing heels and looked down at her. “We have to stand and take the shit these ASPCA people give me.” Then she rolled her eyes, laughed, and we stepped out into the hallway. I got to stand WITH JOAN RIVERS for a good half hour. She asked me about some of my material. I told her my “Ladies, ever sneeze and pee a little?” opener. She laughed and said “Keep that!”
One of the things I really related to was that she’s always been known to “say what everyone else is thinking.” I’ve heard that about myself so many times! People will also say “You shouldn’t joke about (insert here).” Right. You know what Joan would have said if you told her “No abortion jokes!”?? You would have gotten a piece of her mind.
I’ve met a ton of celebrities in my life. There have been 4 that affected me. Joan was one of them.
Thanks, Joan, for being my friend for an hour. I can’t even imagine where women in comedy would be without you. You. Were. It.
Melissa Rivers thank you for keeping us all posted. I’m so sorry for your loss, but I’m also so glad you had the mother you did.

RIP.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWncIpPuNJo

Here is my interview with the news yesterday. I’m still so crushed.

Interview with KPNX Channel 12

 

RIP, Billy. You were always so very, very special to me. January 9, 2013

Filed under: My crazy life — fabamy @ 4:33 pm

Ah, Facebook, you have ruined yet another day. Today was the second time in a few months that I found out of someone dying because of a post on Facebook.

Billy Flores. He was my student back in the late 90s, at the first school where I ever taught. Billy had the charm and charisma that was almost too much. He always reminded me of myself, especially at that age. He spoke Spanish fluently, but he took my classes. He’d help out with extra work, like grading, because the class was just easy for him.

Billy ALWAYS had a crush on me. We had a great professional relationship when he was my student, but he always talked about me being on his bucket list. He had the most amazing sense of humor, too, a lot like mine. Basically, if there were my male twin out there, it would have been Billy.

We have always kept in touch since he graduated and I left to go teach elsewhere. Even before Facebook, though once we connected on there, our communication has been constant. I helped him with the Facebook page for his Crossfit business. I gave him pointers on doing Social Media.

When I went out to LA in the summer of 2011 for a gig, Billy came to see me. We had dinner, he saw me do my act, and we chatted for hours. We’ve kept in touch ever since. He was so happy that he got to “cross me off his bucket list” and he even claimed that I was on his dream board. I’m laughing thinking about it, because he just told you how he felt and never held back. He was honest to a fault. Just like me.

Ever since the first time I heard this song, I’ve thought of Billy. He used to say he wanted me to have his baby. Hahaha. That kid. RIP, Billy. Te quiero con toda mi corazon.

 

The girl I used to be December 20, 2012

Filed under: My crazy life — fabamy @ 11:14 am

I used to not care too much about having people close to me.

I used to give a guy one chance, then ditch him.

I used to worry about myself: projects, goals, etc., without worrying about someone else’s.

I used to think everyone hated me.

I used to feel like I was just being used. I was.

I used to feel like I couldn’t be taken seriously. At all.

Over the past two years, my life – and I – have completely changed. I had so many walls up for so many reason. Not just for relationships with men, but with friends, too. I honestly didn’t care all that much because I was so focused on doing my own thing. I guess we all need that.  I am the oldest and I was raised by a single mom. I had to learn how to cook and take care of my little sister when I was just 8 years old. I learned to “tough it out” and just plow through. I had a boyfriend all through High School, and we broke up when I was 21. I immediately started to date the guy I ended up marrying. We were together for 10 years. After we split, I was with the love of my life for 4 years. That brought me to 31 years old. I had never had any freedom to just be myself and do what I want to do. I started doing comedy, had my own radio show for 4 years, and got involved heavily in the local music scene. I didn’t much want to have a relationship. I had some amazing guys come into my life, but I just couldn’t open up. A doctor, two lawyers, and many more successful men. What “every girl wants.” Right. I didn’t.

Then I did a 180 during the whole kidney donation. I heard from people from around the world. I learned what true friends were. I lost a few along the way, but that just goes to show they weren’t real friends to begin with.  A restaurant I had never eaten at, but followed me on Twitter, brought me food the day after I got out of the hospital. Friends came and watched movies with me. I had a younger guy who was my rock during that time. My walls slowly started to break down.

Now, almost 2 years later and a huge project ahead of me, I need that special person by my side. I need someone to vent to, to cry to, to get hugs from when they needed them. It’s not easy being with me. I am a lot to handle. A lot of men are intimidated by me.

What people don’t often realize is that beneath this hard, public exterior, lies a real girl. The kind who dreams and feels and cries and writes. The kind of girl who learned to tell people how she felt about them.

I learned that you can’t hold back, because people can’t read minds.

 

The week from Hell, but then I realized… November 10, 2012

Filed under: My crazy life — fabamy @ 9:17 pm

…that, in the end, I have it pretty good.

Last weekend, I learned that a friend had died. I just happened to see a friend comment on a Facebook status, of someone who’s not even on my friends list, sympathy for a mutual friend’s death. When I saw his name, my heart sank. I immediately jumped over to his Facebook page and just burst into tears. We weren’t as close as he was with some people, but we fucked around a lot on Facebook chat for a couple of years. He was beautiful, behind and in front of the camera. My heart broke. I’ve been pretty stressed out for a couple of weeks, so I’m sure that contributed to the fountain of tears. It just really sucked. It’s my “Downtown Circle,” a group of my friends who are all in the CenPho/Downtown area. It’s a cool group of people – no, wait – it’s the COOLEST group of people in my life.

Later in the week, I had some really cool things planned. I was to present at Fascinations, which had been planned for months. It was something fun and different to do, especially since I haven’t done comedy in at least a month. I’m putting a ton of energy into my business and the documentary. Comedy will always be there for me, so it’s ok to set it aside until I can really put time into writing again. I also had a presentation set up for a high school in North Scottsdale. I spoke there last year, right after my surgery, and I was so excited to go again. It reminds me of teaching, which I sometimes miss. Sometimes.

But, in the middle of the week, I got slammed really hard financially. It was bad enough that I had to call my parents for help. Now, I’m the oldest and the most independent of us. I had to learn responsibility at a really young age. I think that has a lot to do with me being single for so long: I lived my life FOR others for a very long time. It’s not a bad thing, but I was always some sort of caretaker, up until my marriage ended ten years ago. Anyway, I had 36 hours of Hell to deal with. HELL. I didn’t sleep for 2 nights. I could barely work. I ate very poorly. I was a wreck. A. Hot. Mess. If it weren’t for my parents and my neighbors, Will and Jada, I don’t know what I would have done. I really, truly, don’t.

I also had the Mayo Clinic Transplant Reunion today. They are very emotional for me. Today’s was really nice, but I cried three times. I saw a woman who I met at my last testing appointment before donating my kidney. Turns out, her surgery was scheduled to be 2 hours before mine. We donated 18 months ago and still text occasionally. It was great to see her and her recipient, who I hadn’t met before. Then I got a tweet from Rebecca. She started to follow me on Twitter after seeing me on the news (the first time), and donated 6 months ago.

She donated her kidney because of me. I was there the morning of her surgery. I spent hours with her family, just to be there to answer questions and show support. They are a great bunch of people and now I will have them in my life forever. Rebecca is my kidney sister!

I got to spend time with both my parents (FabParents) and TinyParents. It was awesome and I’m glad I got to see my Mom, who got me through this week.

I got home and planted my ass on the couch. My friend Kerstin brought me one of her cheesecakes. She’s won awards for them. They were going to give me a gift card for speaking at the high school, but I told her I’d rather have one of her cheesecakes. This is the second time she’s set me up to speak at the school where she teachers. She and her husband are really great people! I knew Jada loved cheesecake, and I knew they would be gone all day, so I used the key they gave me to sneak a huge piece of cheesecake in their refrigerator. I slid the plate on top of the Fry’s cheesecake that was already in there.

And that’s when I realized that I’ve got the best people in my life. All because of that hunk of cheesecake.

 

Life is weird. October 17, 2012

Filed under: My crazy life,Social Media — fabamy @ 8:23 pm

Seriously. Life is fucking WEIRD. Today was one of the roller coaster days. I felt pretty low this morning, because business has been slow and I’m realizing I may need to get a job. I’ve applied for a few and had a phone interview today that went really well.

I met up with a really awesome woman today who messaged me on LinkedIn a couple weeks ago. I’m all about meeting new people and learning about what they do. Networking can be a powerful thing in this world! We had a great time and it eased my mind about the earlier part of the day.

I got home and had a phone interview. I do Social Media. A lot of companies want to be in the ring, so to speak, in SM Land. The thing is, though, they don’t understand it very well. I’m great at teaching it and putting things into laymen’s terms so they can get a better grasp on things. This poor woman! They wanted someone who could keep up with their website, run ads, do graphic design work AND handle all of their Social Media.

I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there who *could* be talented in all those areas, but they are rare. The thing is, Social Media has NOTHING to do with web design/development. It has NOTHING to do with graphic design. I let her know this, too. I told her that what she needed were three different people. I even asked if they could pay three salaries. I talked to her for an hour about the differences and told her that they didn’t need a full-time Social Media person to sit in the office from 9-5. Social Media is NOT a 9-5 job.

What if you were a restaurant, and someone posted on your Facebook page at 6 on a Wednesday night. “What time are you open until?” The Social Media person clocked out at 5pm. Who’s going to respond to that post? We are an instant gratification society. Those people want to eat there TONIGHT, yet there’s nobody there to answer their question. I explained this to her and I could almost see the light bulb go off above her head. She was starting to get it.

I told her exactly what they needed: Contractors. If they wanted the BEST results and expertise in all areas, they would have to contract out the work, instead of thinking they could get one person to handle it all. It’s just not possible. Design geeks aren’t usually social people. I can’t do Photoshop for shit. I email pictures to my friends to touch up for me. They email it back. They are good at what they do, I am good at what I do.

I wasn’t going to pretend to be able to do it all, just to get the job. I don’t like letting people down.

I can’t build your website, but gosh golly geewillikers, I can rock your Facebook page and Twitter account!

I’m a bit down this evening, though. I’m really missing someone and I’m just plain sad. There’s nothing really to say about that.

 

 

Pretty much how I feel today.

 

Ha. Dissing a dumbass January 8, 2012

Filed under: My crazy life — fabamy @ 11:42 pm
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So, there’s a guy I dated for a year or two, off and on, and he’s just a total flake. I haven’t heard from him in about 6 months, and I got a text from him the other night. He blew me off a few times, and I wasn’t physically or emotionally attached to him, so I figured I’d finally have a way to get him to leave me alone. I invited him over…but didn’t tell him I had moved. Here are the texts, in order, with “A” for me, and “D” for him. I have no changed ANYTHING of the texts, but did take out a few personal ones. I showed the thread to Jada and she’s still laughing, 3 days later. I never delete people from my phone, so I knew who it was, even though it started with “Who is this?” I love saying that. Hahaha.

D: Happy New Year, stranger.

A: Who is this?
D: This is Dwayne, I saw u last week on the road.

A: Me? Where?

D: I was going to the Biltmore. How have u been?

A: Fine, thanks.

D: I had been looking for ur number but could not get into my gmail account for some reason. How is Dexter

A: Doesn’t matter.

D: I would like to see u

A: Helllllllllll no. Definitely not interested.

D: How were your holiday’s?

A: Holidays. No apostrophe.

D: Did u just stay home or did u travel

A: Doesn’t matter. Please leave me alone. (Notice how I use punctuation?)

D; Why can’t we be friends? I was going through a lot before. It’s all over now

A: No, it’s ok. I have a lot of amazing friends.

D: Please allow me to be 1 Amy. I wi not let u down. (wi???) All I ask for is an opportunity in 2012.

A: Unfortunately, you’ve let me down WAY too many times already. I don’t have room for people like you in my life. Adios! (Right now, is when I think up my evil plan…)

D: I will now again, u shall see

D: I am going to prove u so wrong

A: Fine. Come by tonight.

D: What time?

A: Whenever, I’m home painting.

D: What all are u painting?

A: Walls.

D: What colors? They were light blue last time I was over upfront (No, they weren’t light blue, dumbass.)

A: You’ll see.

D: I sure will. Do u have any new movies?

A: No, sorry.

D: It’s ok, just seeing u will be food enough. Have u gotten any new Tats or piercings?

A: No.

D: O ok

D: I am excited & nervous to see u again (I HATE when people use ‘u’ instead of ‘you’!!!!!)

A: Just let me know when you’re on your way so I can clean up a little.

D: Will do. Please forgive the way I will look, I am going to the barber tomorrow

A: Fine.

D: I can be at ur place around 715

D: Have you eaten yet?

A: No, I haven’t.

D: Where do u like pizza from?

A: Wherever. (Can you feel my excitement???)

D: I will order 1

A: Fine.

D: Just got out of the shower

D: Just my house (Huh?)

A: K

D: *left (Uh, yeah, I assumed that.)

A: K

D: Do u need anything from the store

A: Nope

D: Ok, 5 mins away

D: I am here

D: So u moved?

A: Whoopsie. I moved.

D: Lol i noticed

D: Lol i noticed (Yes, sent twice)

A: Yup.

D: Are u still in Phoenix?

A: Of course!

D: O ok. Would u like to see me?

A: Don’t you think I would have given you my new address if I wanted to see you???

D: I deserved that but I am a totally different man now

A: Yeah, you said that exactly a year ago.

D: I truly mean it Amy! All I ask for is an opportunity

A: No, thanks. Have a great night!

D: Ok

 

Hahahaha! I still laugh every time I read these. I even emailed them to myself to keep, just in case something goes wrong with my phone. I haven’t heard from him since. Thankfully. He’s always been a little slow…

 

 

 

 

 

So, yeah, I’m moving. November 9, 2011

Filed under: My crazy life — fabamy @ 4:24 pm

Everyone knows the story of my gaydrunkdeadlandlord. It was a crazy time here, but he lived on-property, so we could count on quality people living here. He didn’t want shitty neighbors. Well, neither do we. After he dies, the old landlord took over. He is old. About 70 or so, and lives in Mesa. He’s kept the place up on the outside, but has only gotten new carpet for new tenants. Those of us who have been here for years need new carpet desperately. There are holes in mine and it’s bad enough that I am afraid to shampoo it. The holes are so bad that you can see the mesh backing.

In the 18 months since the old guy took over, we’ve had a lot of sketchy people move on. One lady, Starr, was a taxicab prostitute. She would call a cab, either Discount or Sunshine, and give oral to the drivers on the parking lot. Thankfully, she never paid her rent in 3 months and was evicted for that.

Under me, last year, were two kids. 18 and 19 years old, with an 18-month old baby. They were drug dealers. Traffic came at all hours. They had loud parties and were growing weed in the closet. My neighbors next to them had to call the cops twice. They told the landlord that the lights in the closet were a “science experiment.” He believed them. We were eventually rude enough and called the cops enough that they eventually moved out. The child ended up getting taken away from the mother because of her multiple arrests for drugs and assault.

The neighbor next to me is away at boot camp. I was hoping it would grow him a pair of balls, but apparently not. He has rented a room to Skank #1. Now, keep in mind, I recently donated an organ. Though I am pretty much healed, I HAVE to get a full night of sleep, or I feel really shitty the next day. Before she even moved in, she tore out all the carpet in the apartment. She never asked my neighbor or the landlord if she could do this. She also painted his apartment. Without carpeting, my neighbors downstairs, Will and Jada (I’m not making their names up!) can hear every footstep. They can hear phones vibrating for calls and texts. They have a son, who is also kept up at night because of the noise. Skank #1 has had parties until 5am. It was loud enough one night that I had to call the police and my other neighbor was awakened. She lives at the other end of the building.

The landlord has gotten numerous complaints about Skank #1. He said if it got bad enough that the cops had to be called, that she would be evicted. Well, that never happened. She has spilled paint all over my patio. He gave her an ultimatum on getting the carpet replaced. She did one room, a month ago, and promises every week that the rest will be done. This has been going on for 6 weeks. She also has a girl living there and as of last week, a guy. She claims the guy is her brother and he is here to protect her because we are all threatening her. I simply ignore her. I doubt I am a threatening person.

I’ve had drunk people screaming and falling down outside my window at 4am. I’m 40. This is not a college dormitory. I had patio chairs on her patio, that I let Steve have when he first moved in. They are antiques and I ended up putting them in the storage shed. I didn’t want them ruined and it has discouraged them from hanging out on the patio.

The noise continues without any car from the landlord. I’ve had it. Will & Jada have had it. None of us have had a full night of sleep in 10 weeks because of Skank #1.

So, I’m moving. So are Will and Jada. In fact, we found a building today that has two apartments for rent in a really awesome neighborhood not too far from here. We will still be neighbors.

I’ve cried over this the past 24 hours. Everyone knows how much I love living here. But when I can’t sleep or be comfortable in the place I’ve been in for over 2 years, with zero support from the landlord, it’s time to move. I planned on staying for a couple more years, until I could buy something. I can’t take it anymore and just need to go.

Even if he evicted her, she has 30 days to move. But, there will always be another one to take her place. His lack of care will lose him really good tenants, who care about community. It sucks, but I have to do it for my own health & sanity.

Ugh.

 

 

Why comedy is frustrating…and insulting in the Valley. October 11, 2011

Filed under: My crazy life — fabamy @ 3:26 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I’ll start by first saying that even though it doesn’t pay my bills, comedy is a JOB. I look at a gig as a responsibility to the audience, comics and promoter. I have a job to do: Make people laugh. Paid or not, it’s still a JOB.

When you start a new job, you look to the people you work with who have been there for a long time. You ask advice. They’ve got experience, right? They’ve been with the company for years and *probably* know what they’re talking about, right?

When I started doing stand-up several years ago, I looked up to people I met who had been doing it already for quite some time. I could name names, but that’s not important. I still go to them for advice and I TAKE THAT ADVICE. I am ALWAYS willing to learn and SWALLOW MY PRIDE, even it it makes me uncomfortable. I’m learning. I’m growing. I WANT to learn and to grow. I will never be the best at comedy and really need to spend more time on my writing, but that’s something I’m focusing on more. It’s my duty to make a crowd laugh. It’s advice I’ve gotten from others who have been in comedy for years.

I don’t know if it’s that I’m not afraid to speak up, but I get a lot of comics who come to me to voice concerns, gripes, etc. I know not everyone wants to say things publicly, and I’m ok with that. Newer people still want to make a name for themselves and not ruffle feathers. I, on the other hand, have that luxury. Whether I’m welcome at a venue or not, I’m still known and respected for my hard work. Everyone recognizes that, even if they don’t particularly like me. I’m fine with that.

I’ve also run shows. I did it for a few years and it was exhausting. It was a TON of work. You have to line up the BEST talent for a show. That’s not to say that everyone will be a great comic, but that they will fit in with a lineup. You NEED a strong lineup to make a great show. If you don’t want a GREAT show, then don’t fucking run one. You have to promote your ass off because most of the comics don’t bother. Guess what? That’s the PROMOTER’S job anyway! I know I have a shitload of friends who come see me. I know I get booked sometimes because of it. Great. I’ll take it. But if you are such a terrible promoter that you book someone because THEY bring the crowd, quit. Quit now.

The number of comics in a lineup should be limited to 7. That seems to be a magic number and a general consensus in the comedy world. I did not make this number up myself. That gives newer talent some stage time and makes room for the better comics who are featuring/headlining. A show should NEVER go beyond 90 minutes. I’ve heard promoters say “Yeah, but they paid $5 and three hours is a great value for $5.” What? First of all, you’re asking your comics, who get there on time, to sit through three hours of (some of the time) horrible comics, just waiting for their slot. This is incredibly rude and disrespectful of a comic’s time. You want to keep a crowd (that’s drinking 99% of the time) quiet and in their seats for 3 hours? Not gonna work. It rarely does. I wouldn’t even want to sit through a national headliner for 3 hours. A GREAT comedy show is long enough for people to have a good time, but short enough that they’re not leaving before the REAL talent hits the stage. Don’t insult the AUDIENCE by making a show too long.

It’s a given that a show won’t always start on time. There are only a few in the Valley that actually do. Fifteen minutes late is ok. And hour and fifteen minutes? No. Way. Again, insulting and disrespectful. I know, going to most gigs, that I’m there on time and that the show won’t start on time. It’s a given in the industry. But don’t ever make people wait for over an hour. Ever. Totally unprofessional. Don’t advertise the time incorrectly.

The lineup should always have a feature and headliner WHO DESERVE THOSE SLOTS. Again, a maximum of 7 comics is going to give you a great show. Oh, did comics show up and ask for stage time, but they weren’t booked? Write their names down and let them know that you’ll consider them in the future. Don’t have the balls to do that? Too nice to let someone know THERE’S NO TIME FOR THEM? Then you shouldn’t be running a show. You’re doing a disservice to that comic. They need to learn to respect your show and the other comics. I’ve had to do it, on both ends. Your lineup should be mapped out BEFORE the show. Yes, there will be a comic who’s late or can’t make it. Those are CHANGES to a lineup. A CHANGE means the work has been done ahead of time but needs to be adjusted. Know the lineup. KNOW YOUR TALENT. If it’s a new person, they go up early. I just did a show for the first time a month ago and went up second. Did I whine about it because of my experience? Hell no. I’m paying my dues at a new venue and appreciate the time I’m given. Did I go up later the next time I did that show? Hell yeah. Because I had to prove myself to people who hadn’t seen me.

Your feature and headliner are the MOST important people in the show, along with the host. The host keeps a show flowing. SHOULD know that a quick minute or two are done between each comic. Nothing more. Your feature and headliner should DESERVE those slots. It’s not for your friends or someone who shows up a lot or brought the most people. It’s for THE BEST TALENT OF THE SHOW. Don’t insult the crowd by giving someone who doesn’t deserve 15, 20 or even 30 minutes that much time. YOU DON’T HAVE TO MAKE THE COMIC HAPPY. You are supposed to ENTERTAIN the crowd. They paid (or not), you do your fucking best to give them the best you have to offer. If you can’t do that, then you obviously shouldn’t be running comedy shows.

I have friends in other cities who are comedians. They always know about how ridiculous PART of the scene is here. It’s embarrassing. It’s insulting to know that there are those who SHOULDN’T be in the comedy scene at ALL are giving Phoenix a bad name. I take a LOT of pride in 90% of the comedy shows and comedians here. I am GRATEFUL to be a part of it. I am PROUD to be a part of what’s a great community, for the most part. I even defend Phoenix to my friends from LA, NY and Chicago. To some extent. When they come in to town, I give them a red flag list and a green flag list. Seriously. Because I don’t want real professionals, who tour nationally, to see some of the shit that goes on here. They are given the red flag list to see the trainwreck shows. I cross my fingers that they go to the ones on the green flag list.

I see a few promoters begging for new talent to come perform. Why? Because their shows are so rotten & shitty that veterans won’t perform there anymore. So what they do is put up ANYONE. People who obviously can’t get stage time anywhere else. If you’ve got a pool of the same 30 comics or so (out of the 400+ in the Valley. No lie.), then you’re doing something wrong. If you have a lot of newer (I call anyone doing comedy less than a year “new.” It seems to be the timeframe for weeding out people who had the balls to try, but realized it wasn’t for them. KUDOS to them for trying. BIGGER KUDOS to them for stopping.) comics performing for you, it’s because they just don’t know any better. And neither do you.

 

Not a lot of fun stuff written above. It sucks. But, as I always say in life: “Someone’s gotta do it. Might as well be me.” I’m not afraid to be the one that comics vent to, knowing I’ll say something. It might make me unwelcome at a venue, but there are over 40 shows a week in the Valley, not including the comedy clubs. I think I’ll manage to still get stage time. :}

 

50,000 tweets & 90-day Kidneyversary July 21, 2011

Filed under: My crazy life,The good life,The kidney donation — fabamy @ 1:09 pm

I have been so busy the past month or so that I’ve let my blog sit idle for too long! Bad, Amy. Bad!

So, Tuesday was the 90-day anniversary of me donating my kidney to TinyMom. As you all know, she avoided going on dialysis for 10 years with a very strict diet. She had to cut some foods out of her diet that contained either a lot of potassium or protein. Tomatoes, potatoes and bananas were on that list. Her favorite food? Pizza. She hadn’t had pizza in ten years. Close your eyes for a moment and think of something you eat every week because it’s your favorite. Now, imagine yourself ten years from now (OMG I will be 50!) and think of NOT having something from TODAY until that day. So, I told her the day I met her that I would be buying her first pizza.

It’s so weird, though, that people said to me “Why do you have to buy it for her? You already gave her a kidney!” which just goes to show you the nature of most people. I’m a giver, that’s obvious. It never occurred to me that buying her something would be looked at like that. I’ve learned the past few months that people are generally selfish & self-absorbed. I’ve also learned who I can and can’t trust, which really sucks.

While waiting to get ready to order the pizza and go over there for dinner, it was also a pretty big day in TwitterVille for me. I was about to hit 50,000 tweets. Fifty. Thousand. Over the weekend, a friend had asked me “So, what are you going to do for you 50,000th tweet?” I had thought about it a few days before, when I saw my tweet count. Holy shit! Have I done anything else 50,000 times? What about sex? Have I done that 50,000 times? I mean, we’ve all eaten 50,000 times. But I’ve been on Twitter for just over 3 years, and it breaks down to:

1147 days

27,528 hours

Roughly 47 tweets per day

1.87 tweets per hour

and on and on and on…

So, I thought about it. Two big things happening on the same day. I didn’t want it to be too stupid, so I turned the comedian off. The biggest thing Twitter has done for me revolved around my recent surgery.

My 50,000th tweet:

http://vimeo.com/26649674

(I can’t get the damn thing to upload!)

 

 

 
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