Fabamy's Blog

Crazy life of a CenPho comedian & socialite

Uh, yeah, I take responsibility – enough to try to change March 30, 2011

Filed under: My crazy life — fabamy @ 9:42 pm
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Going through all the tests to donate my kidney has been brutal. I know people see me with a smile on my face & always being positive, but that’s in public. The testing was BRUTAL. I spent 10 hours in the hospital on Valentine’s Day. My 40th birthday was spent on the phone with Mayo, scheduling more tests. I have a mammogram done, which showed a lump. I had to wait a week before I could get in to have another one done, just to make sure I was ok. I spent a week worrying about breast cancer. I’ve cried more in the past 2 months than I have in two years. Alone.

To think that people assume I am doing all of this for publicity – for myself – is more than ignorant. I cannot believe the things people are saying about ME. I go home from work everyday, exhausted from the mental stress and anguish over when I’m going through. For over two months now, I looked at my job as a retreat from everything – but it kept following me. Something this huge (And, yes, it IS huge) is hard to put out of my mind. I missed a lot of work and was distracted much of the time.

The funny thing is, the job I was doing wasn’t even what I wanted to do. But, I was told during my interview that the company was growing & there would be a lot of opportunities in the near future. I was encouraged to take the job because of what the future would hold. So, I learned, I worked, I took feedback and tried my best to do well. Sometimes, things aren’t a fit, so I spoke up a few weeks ago and went to our recruiter. People were being hired from outside the company for the positions I really wanted to do, but nothing was ever posted. I never applied for anything else because I didn’t know about them. I did what I thought I should and took initiative. I am not the type of person to just sit back and think I will be noticed and picked out of a crowd without some sort of signal. You will never get anywhere in this world by sitting back and waiting. I was extremely frustrated, to be honest.

My distraction, time out and frustration of trying to do what I wasn’t best at caused me to fail for 2 months. I failed. I am not used to failing. It’s not a word I use OR take lightly. But, I tried to do better and show that I was eager to try new thing.

Never have I NOT taken responsibility for my actions. I say this because I read what people are saying about me. Their ignorance of the true story and FACTS mars my reputation and skirts the TRUTH.

There has been a lot of publicity, especially since I was fired yesterday, but it hasn’t been done or said by me. I cannot control what others say, but I will not be the person to cause a scene. Was it a bad play on their part with everything going on to fire me instead of try to find that niche for an employee who obviously loved the company? Hell yeah. Have I personally raised a stink about it? Not yet.

I feel that I hadn’t gotten much support from the company, besides fellow employees and a couple managers. Not once was I asked if I was doing ok. Fine, it’s a business.  But, that business is run by…people.

I am disappointed in myself for not saying something sooner about wanting to change departments. I wanted to be appreciated for who I was and what I could truly bring.

What everyone else says is their business. Nowhere have I bashed anyone or the company I worked for. Nowhere have I placed any blame on anyone else but myself.

So, as you read this, and know that I’ve remained completely professional from the day I volunteered to donate my kidney to a friend’s mom until 30 seconds ago while writing this. So, as you spew your opinions without even ASKING about the truth, you make yourself look like a jackass.

I’ve met some great people face-to-face, finally, the past several weeks. I’ve also learned that the word “friend” sorely needs to be redefined.

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Emotionally drained, the hardest part is over…finally! March 16, 2011

Filed under: The kidney donation — fabamy @ 1:25 pm
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Yesterday was a pretty emotional day.  After a month of really grueling testing to donate my kidney, I finally got word that I have been approved for the surgery.  I sat at my desk and cried for a few moments.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt such relief!  I’ve been to both campuses of the Mayo Clinic about a dozen times.  I’ve been poked with needles, prodded by random hands, peed in I don’t know HOW many cups and given enough blood to save a third-world country.  I’m exhausted.  But, life has to go on and I have a day job that I have to concentrate on.  The support has been overwhelming and I feel that if I don’t keep up with thanking everyone, I will look like a jerk.  I feel like nobody understands all that I’m going through.  I am extremely thankful for all the support, but it’s also been all-encompassing lately and I have to shut it off for a bit.

There are times that I feel really alone, even though I know there are a lot of people thinking about me.  There are some that I expected to get more from in my personal life and there’s nothing there.  Like none of this matters to the people I’ve called “friends.”  I know everyone has their own life to deal with, their own daily struggles, but I know I would be there for them and show support.  I feel hurt and drained.

I scheduled the surgery for April 19th, which is the first date available.  I had hoped for a couple weeks earlier, but I am glad that there are others out there giving up part of their body for someone else.  The Mayo Clinic said they do about 5 transplants a week.  That might not seem like a lot, and it’s just a drop in the bucket, but at least it’s something.  I wish more people would do it.  I know it will be all worth it in the end.

I just have to get there.

 

Today in kidney news March 15, 2011

Filed under: The kidney donation — fabamy @ 5:22 pm
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So, I’m posting this because everyone is asking and I’m pretty overwhelmed with this and work, so here’s what’s going on today in #TinyFabKidney world:

My team of doctors, advocates, social worker,  etc., meet today at noon to discuss my case.  They have to all agree on me being “approved” as a donor, first of all.  Reading through the results of all my exams (they gave me a copy of EVERYTHING), there should be no reason not to  approve me.

Second they have to figure out which kidney to take.  My left kidney has a couple extra veins/arteries, which won’t hurt me at all.  My kidneys are perfect in MY body right now, but if there is too much to reattach, there could be problems.  The right kidney is a better candidate.

Then, they call me to let me know the results.  If all goes well, I will be scheduling the surgery this week.  I am planning on the 1st or 2nd week of April.

Please RT this, pass it on however you can.  It will avoid unanswered questions, but also give me a bit of a break in spreading the news.  :}

 

Saturday’s testing was HORRIBLE…but the fundraiser made me feel not-so-alone March 2, 2011

I had more testing done this past Saturday at the Mayo Clinic.  I went in thinking I’d give a blood sample, pee in a cup, and be out of there.  Nope.

I was led to a hospital room.  “Um, what are we doing today?  How long is this going to take?”   I was concerned on time, because my birthday dinner with friends was that evening as well as the fundraiser at FnB in Scottsdale.  “Oh, about 2 hours,” replied the nurse.  I stopped walking and started crying.  I was frustrated that I hadn’t known about the length of time, and when she told me I’d have an IV in my arm the whole time, I just felt…alone.  I’ve been going to all my tests by myself because I really don’t want people seeing me pee in a cup and I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.  I had the IV (not attached to anything) stuck in my hand and had to drink 20 ounces of water in an hour.  When the hour was up, I had to go pee in a bowl, and they had to measure it.  THEN, a sonogram was done on my bladder to make sure I peed properly.  Then, blood was pulled through the IV.  Again, I had to drink 20 ounces of water and wait 45 minutes the second time.  Pee in a bowl, sonogram and blood.  I was in a hospital bed.  I was alone.  I cried.  I watched serial killers on the TV.  I also had to fast for 4 hours before the test, but since I slept in a little, I didn’t have time for a real meal and it was now 3pm.  I was HANGRY, crying, frustrated and felt really, really alone.  Finally, it was over.

My birthday dinner was nice and I got to catch up with friends I really don’t get to see too often.  It was at FEZ, my favorite CenPho spot, and I was surrounded by good people.  I was also very anxious about the fundraiser, which was to start at 10pm.  I knew it was going to be emotional, but I had no idea who would be there, if ANYONE would actually show up.

Pavle, the owner of FnB, had come forward a couple weeks ago and said he’d do a fundraiser.  I let Kirti take care of it, as I had a trip out of town, work, and comedy.  Boy, were those two ever organized!!!  Pavle had asked a lot of local business owners to donate goods and gift cards to the raffle.  When I got there, Kirti was organizing everything and I was completely awe-struck at the people there.  People who I had been interacting with on Twitter and Facebook for over a year, most I had never met before face-to-face had come out to show their support.  A few times that night, my eyes welled-up and I realized that even though we had never physically met, I had a LOT of friends there and a LOT of good people still do exist in the world.

I will be out of work for 3 – 4 weeks, of which I do not get paid.  I have not been at my job long enough to get short-term disability, nor do I qualify for FMLA.  It will be unpaid.  I have some vacation time, but not enough to cover the entire recovery period.  The generosity of not only Pavle for donating part of the proceeds of that evening, but of all the people who donated from their businesses and pockets was amazing.  I am so thankful to be a part of such a FABULOUS community!!!  I am not going to be afraid to ask for help, even if it’s just to have someone come over and watch a movie.  I will not let myself think I am inconveniencing anyone.

After feeling so alone in the hospital all day, and seeing all those people there, I cried the entire drive home from the restaurant.  I’m NOT alone.

 

A mammogram, psych test, Sweet Republic & Hana Japanese

Today was what I’d call “easy” in the long line of tests I’ve had to undergo to donate my kidney.  This time, I had to go to the Mayo Clinic on 134th St & Shea in Scottsdale.  I should have packed a lunch – THAT is how far away from home it is!  I live on 12th Street.  This was on 134th.  You can do the math!

Today, I was scheduled to have a mammogram and psych test.  I was so very thankful that nothing involved needles!!!!  I got there and barely sat down in the waiting room when they called my name.  The mammogram wasn’t painful at all and I hope that women read this and know they don’t have to be scared because of that.  My boobs got squished, very gently, between two plastic plates and they took a picture.  The whole process of adjusting my boobs and turning to the side a couple times took all of ten minutes.  So, girls, get your mammograms!!!

The psych test was easy as well.  I’ve taken a lot of personality tests over the years for job interviews and such.  I was reading the questions and felt badly for the people who would answer them truthfully about suicide, reckless behavior and anger issues.  Luckily, I have NONE of those.  Doing yoga for over 10 years has really helped me to get a handle on emotions, as well as not drinking or doing drugs now for almost 7 years.  I wasn’t paranoid about answering any of the questions.  The doctor even went over my answers with me.  Apparently, I’m very confident and have a lot of friends to turn to.  Yup.  That’s me!

On my way back, I decided to stop at Sweet Republic, an ice cream shop in Scottsdale.  I don’t get to the area very often, but I know the owners and we bump into each other around the Valley at different places.  I hadn’t been to their shop in months, but I buy their ice cream at the Downtown Public Market.  It’s divine and they make it on site.  Anyway, I figured I would treat myself to a little cup before heading to dinner with my friend Alexander for sushi.  I had been craving it for over a week!  As I was about to pay for my little cup of heaven, they insisted on me not paying.  They were contributors to the fundraiser the other night and I started to cry right there.  I was sent home with quite a few pints of delicious Sweet Republic ice cream.  Thank you, Helen & Jan, for your kindness and generosity.

Next stop: Hana Japanese.  Boy, I really needed some sushi.  And I *really* needed time with Alexander.  I realized a few weeks ago that with all the comedy I was doing, I was missing out on time with my friends.  I’d flake out on events and gatherings either because I had to perform, or I was too exhausted from performing too much that I’d stay home.  Hana Japanese is in my neighborhood and though I looooooove sushi, I am not a pro.  Alexander IS a foodie and his job is to write food blogs, so I knew I had chosen the right guy to go to dinner with.  And boy, did we have dinner!!!!   I got to try a shitload of stuff that I don’t know how to pronounce or even what fish it came from, but I am stuff to the gills. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA get it?  Gills?  Fish?  HAHAHAHA) Laurie, the owner even gave me a few gift certificates for the next fundraiser.

I am overwhelmed from the support that the community has shown.  I am also extremely grateful for all of my friends who have offered to help me out while I’m recuperating.  And without Kirti, I don’t know what I’d do.  Yeah, she stole my kidney, but I also gained an extension to my family in the process.

 

 
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