So, there’s a guy I dated for a year or two, off and on, and he’s just a total flake. I haven’t heard from him in about 6 months, and I got a text from him the other night. He blew me off a few times, and I wasn’t physically or emotionally attached to him, so I figured I’d finally have a way to get him to leave me alone. I invited him over…but didn’t tell him I had moved. Here are the texts, in order, with “A” for me, and “D” for him. I have no changed ANYTHING of the texts, but did take out a few personal ones. I showed the thread to Jada and she’s still laughing, 3 days later. I never delete people from my phone, so I knew who it was, even though it started with “Who is this?” I love saying that. Hahaha.
D: Happy New Year, stranger.
A: Who is this?
D: This is Dwayne, I saw u last week on the road.
A: Me? Where?
D: I was going to the Biltmore. How have u been?
A: Fine, thanks.
D: I had been looking for ur number but could not get into my gmail account for some reason. How is Dexter
A: Doesn’t matter.
D: I would like to see u
A: Helllllllllll no. Definitely not interested.
D: How were your holiday’s?
A: Holidays. No apostrophe.
D: Did u just stay home or did u travel
A: Doesn’t matter. Please leave me alone. (Notice how I use punctuation?)
D; Why can’t we be friends? I was going through a lot before. It’s all over now
A: No, it’s ok. I have a lot of amazing friends.
D: Please allow me to be 1 Amy. I wi not let u down. (wi???) All I ask for is an opportunity in 2012.
A: Unfortunately, you’ve let me down WAY too many times already. I don’t have room for people like you in my life. Adios! (Right now, is when I think up my evil plan…)
D: I will now again, u shall see
D: I am going to prove u so wrong
A: Fine. Come by tonight.
D: What time?
A: Whenever, I’m home painting.
D: What all are u painting?
D: What colors? They were light blue last time I was over upfront (No, they weren’t light blue, dumbass.)
A: You’ll see.
D: I sure will. Do u have any new movies?
A: No, sorry.
D: It’s ok, just seeing u will be food enough. Have u gotten any new Tats or piercings?
D: O ok
D: I am excited & nervous to see u again (I HATE when people use ‘u’ instead of ‘you’!!!!!)
A: Just let me know when you’re on your way so I can clean up a little.
D: Will do. Please forgive the way I will look, I am going to the barber tomorrow
D: I can be at ur place around 715
D: Have you eaten yet?
A: No, I haven’t.
D: Where do u like pizza from?
A: Wherever. (Can you feel my excitement???)
D: I will order 1
D: Just got out of the shower
D: Just my house (Huh?)
D: *left (Uh, yeah, I assumed that.)
D: Do u need anything from the store
D: Ok, 5 mins away
D: I am here
D: So u moved?
A: Whoopsie. I moved.
D: Lol i noticed
D: Lol i noticed (Yes, sent twice)
D: Are u still in Phoenix?
A: Of course!
D: O ok. Would u like to see me?
A: Don’t you think I would have given you my new address if I wanted to see you???
D: I deserved that but I am a totally different man now
A: Yeah, you said that exactly a year ago.
D: I truly mean it Amy! All I ask for is an opportunity
A: No, thanks. Have a great night!
Hahahaha! I still laugh every time I read these. I even emailed them to myself to keep, just in case something goes wrong with my phone. I haven’t heard from him since. Thankfully. He’s always been a little slow…