Fabamy's Blog

Crazy life of a CenPho comedian & socialite

How can anyone say or think this was done…for publicity??? May 5, 2011

Filed under: The kidney donation — fabamy @ 7:38 pm
Tags: , , , ,

It saddens me that people think I donated my kidney for attention. It’s been over two weeks since the transplant surgery, yet I still see it being said. Wait. This doesn’t sadden me. It hurts. It hurts really badly that anyone could think this. It also makes me extremely angry that anyone could say such a thing. Obviously, they are people that don’t know me (or Kirti) at ALL. Yeah, we’re shameless in promoting our cause. But that shame has already found a kidney for someone else…that we don’t even know. We’ve had so many people asking us both questions about the surgery, and that is what makes it all worthwhile.

For publicity???? Let’s get something straight here: I donated my kidney to a friend’s mom because there was a need that ANYONE could fulfill. Guess what? I’m not the type of person to stand by and not at least TRY to do something. I would have been CRUSHED if I hadn’t been a match and had to sit by waiting for someone else to step forward. Yeah, I guess I’m a gutsy broad but I’m also a nice, gutsy broad who would do ANYTHING for the people in my life who mean so much to me.

For publicity???? For 4 months I have physically and emotionally suffered through all of this. Actually, almost 5 months. I have been poked for blood over a dozen times. Though I have to have a yearly blood test anyway, the feel of a needle going into my arm every 3 hours was NOT pleasant. Could you do it? I’d gone through 8 weeks of testing (I could have done it all in 3 days, but I was afraid to lose time from work. See where THAT thinking got me???) that I did ALONE. I was terrified during the CT scan. I had never had health issues in my life and here I was, having iodine shot into my body. But as I lay there, all I kept thinking was “TinyMom hasn’t had pizza in 10 years. I can do this.” I went in for what I thought was a simple blood test one Saturday and was checked into a hospital room, because it was a 3-hour test. I had no idea it was going to take that long. I broke down in front of the nurse and told her “Just get it over with. I need this done for TinyMom.” Those were my exact words. And I cried. Alone. In a hospital room. For 3 hours on the day of my birthday dinner and FnB fundraiser. I couldn’t really enjoy either celebration because I was still in pain from the testing that day.

My testing wasn’t even done yet when I lost my job. There are several reasons surrounding that, but the testing was so stressful and time-consuming, I couldn’t concentrate at work. I am 40 years old and I was unemployed. Not only that, but I had to go on-camera for a few news stations and talk about it. I had to hold in my emotions, even though I wanted to break down and scream and kick and cry, to get the word out AGAIN about kidney disease. I do not like the publicity which everyone seems to think is the driving factor in all this. I may be a performer, but once there’s no mic in my hand, I am an introvert. I have to recharge by being alone at home quite often. Every time we were on the news, I watched. And cringed. The attention wasn’t always welcome. My phone, Twitter and Facebook blew up and I couldn’t keep up with it. I wasn’t taking care of myself in order to answer everyone else. I didn’t sleep or eat or shower or leave the house for 2 days after I was fired. Does that sound like I did all of this for publicity???? (By the way, the “publicity” got me an awesome job, doing what I love, because of someone following me on Twitter.)

For publicity????? For 5 days after my surgery, I didn’t shit. That’s right. I didn’t take a shit because of the pain killers I had been on. My stomach was bloated as if I were 3 months pregnant. I couldn’t stand up straight and it hurt to sit down. I also got my period, after it had JUST ended 5 days prior. So, as I am bloated, swollen and in pain from not shitting, I got to attempt to change my tampons. Once I finally got my body going (I mean ONCE I TOOK A SHIT), the pain started to subside. I had to take two stool softeners a day, drink Miralax AND shove a suppository up my ass. I did THAT for publicity, mind you.

I have a 4-inch scar that is still healing, in my PUBES. That means I can’t shave “down there” for quite awhile. I have 4 laproscopy scars on my stomach, with scabs the size of nickles and dimes. That itch. That hurt when I bend over. The incision below is still swollen and I have just now begun to wear underwear because it’s been too swollen & uncomfortable. I am finally weening myself off the Vicodin, which I hate taking. I can’t wear any of my normal clothes yet because of the swelling.

I get really tired still, which is normal because my remaining kidney is growing. I can only go out in public for about an hour at a time and need a nap right after. This means I’m missing out on a LOT of comedy (which has been my life for 8 years), birthday parties, going-away parties and social functions. I am lucky to have the friends that I do and I get visitors, but it’s not the same as being surrounded by people.

My sleep patterns are completely fucked-up. Because I have to nap a couple times a day, I rarely get to sleep at night before 3am.I have a job to do. I have an Ignite presentation to do. I have Dexter to take care of. I have laundry to do. I HAVE to make myself get up, often after only a few hours of sleep, because life goes on.

The word “altruism” has been shoved around a lot the past few months, in regards to me donating my kidney. Here is the definition of altruism, from dictionary.com:



the principle or practice of unselfish concern for or devotion to the welfare of others ( opposed to egoism).”
As the oldest in my family, I’ve always taken care of those around me. I was the oldest being raised by a single mom. So, for about 33 years, I *have* been altruistic. And damn fucking straight I donated my kidney because I’m altruistic. I happen to care about others. I have often put others’ welfare before mine. I’m not a saint. I’m not forgetting myself. I’m wanting the people around me to be happy. As happy as I am. Yes, I am an extremely happy person with an amazing life. Even more amazing now.
So, for those of you who don’t realize WHO I am and spew your ignorance about doing things for publicity, or thinking I did this for any reason OTHER than wanting to help someone else:
FUCK YOU. You’re ignorant. You don’t know me OR Kirti. And you can suck my fucking left one. ALL of you who have said it. Eat a fucking bag of dicks, as my friend Arik has said. EABOD. And choke.

13 Responses to “How can anyone say or think this was done…for publicity???”

  1. Yesenia R Says:

    Love it! Screw them ass-holes…..so proud of you “my gutsy broad friend!”

  2. Thomas Says:

    Fuck ’em!

    • Scott Jones Says:

      Exactly. Fuck ’em, Amy. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about it, it only matters how you feel. And for what it’s worth, the masses are proud of you and think you’re amazing.

  3. NAJames Says:

    Those people are probably jealous of the publicity they accuse you of seeking.

  4. Monique Says:

    Great job venting Amy. You really needed to let that all out and explain yourself. I’m not sure why people can be so ignorant. I hope that you can try to avoid them and not take their thoughts to heart. It is quite obvious that they do not understand how to sacrafice oneself for the benefit of others, and probably never will.
    God Bless you girlfriend, and kudos to your awesome mother for giving the world the Amazing you that you are!
    Be well!
    Oh, One quick thing, you said something about not being able to wear panties, um since when have you ever worn em before? 😉
    Love and miss ya mucho grande!

    • fabamy Says:

      I let it out and I’m over it. My mom has been telling me for 40 years to ignore people like that. In this case, I just *had* to say something, you know?
      (I always wear panties, by the way. When you’re 40 and always turned on, it’s safest that way. ;} )

  5. Kristen Says:

    I just came across your story today and that’s ridiculous. In November, at a total shock to us, my husband was diagnosed with End Stage Renal Disease. His kidney is at 5% usage (dr. gave him 2 months to live) and he had to immediately start dialysis to stay alive. I am inspired by your story & gift you gave to this lady. It gives me hope to finding a match for my husband so we can have a normal life again.
    People will always say what they want, but NONE of them are as giving as you have been, no matter for what reason you were inspired to do so.

    • fabamy Says:

      Please post on our Facebook page! Facebook.com/KidneyDisease
      You can put his blood type on there. We have a LOT of people keeping an eye on things. :}

  6. Ginny Says:

    screw ’em Amy. Regardless of what anyone says, you have done such an incredible act here. Just remember, as Dr. Suess said,
    those who mind DON’T MATTER those who matter DON’T MIND!!

  7. Elissa Says:

    You are blowing me away. You are brave. Wise. Generous. Honest. And a true hero because you gave of yourself to save someone else. Fuck the ones who don’t get it. And I’m so glad I found you. Someone on twitter called me a kidney warrior. That should be a new yoga pose. xoxo

    • fabamy Says:

      That would be awesome! Maybe we can come up with our own yoga style, since it took me almost 2 months to be able to do all my poses. You gave of yourself too, chica!

  8. Deanna Figueroa Says:

    you can never escape ignorance honey. Just whistle in the face of it. It has cost me almost all of my friends since Ive been homeless since they can no longer stand to look me in the face and are too selfish to help me. But I make new ones like you and it is okay. You get a better brand of friend this way.

    My motto? Fuck em if they can’t take a joke. ;D Publish that lol!

  9. fabamy Says:

    Thanks, Deanna, for ALL of your support!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s